This study exemplifies the mere concept of falling in love and how the unrequited love, broken dreams and sheer turmoil of a heartbreak is dealt with. It explores the obliged pain, frustrations and agony that a heartbreak may trigger and a few techniques and/or ideas that may help one to cope with the pain. This study was conducted to portray the acts of a heartbreak and how and why one should move on with their sole life as it is not the end of their journey of love. A research study was inaugurated among four male individuals about their personal experience of a heartbreak and how they dealt with it and what they would do in that given situation. At the end of this research, it was profound that individuals react to a heartbreak quite differently than some others would and initially do different things when trying to cope with the pain.
|Key words: agony, pain, love, hope, digital media|
He won me over: dazzling smile, sulky brown, sparkling eyes, alluring enchantment, soft lips and his overindulgent love and affection. His dire lack of hesitation made me inquisitive, but it was that mere look in his glistening brown eyes that made me asthmatic. It was all a breathtaking dream until it was soon a heart lurching nightmare...the guy I was so madly, and head over heels in love with had vanished within the blink of an eye. He was gone, without a trace, and what entered my life as a conceited hypocrite who was nothing but self-centered and a mere reflection of everything I hope him not to be, was then portrayed. I soon came to the recognition that I had met the mere illusion of the person he was hoping I would fall for, the one that will allure me into believing that he was the sole one. The one my heart was destined to be with. But I had no intention to be so completely enthralled and captivated by the character he was.
I became another one of his victims whose heart was pierced with a dark and shooting dagger. Only to be left to pick up the broken pieces of a mess unintended for. I was then left only to be fantasizing about the person I thought he was or could be, reminiscing about the good memories I hoped never to end, and stupidly procrastinating about whether I crossed his mind at night. But then I snapped back to reality and realized that I was only longing for the illusion of the monster he really was. I was pushed off a ledge and as I free fall, I felt my lungs collapsing from within. When I got on my feet again, I was brimming with revenge. I wanted to lash out and find every possible way to make the pain go away. The constant aching, I just wanted to be left alone. “Set me free, Leave me be. I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me” (Sara Bareilles-gravity lyrics).
The Inevitable Fate of Falling in Love
Your life does not get better by chance, it simply gets better by change as most may say. “Falling in love is always risky, it’s a game that’s strictly reserved for the biggest gamblers of all”. Humans need affection and without it they feel lost and trapped in this big world. Heartbreak is like one big hysterical pain but it also seems to trigger a mass of other emotions. We detest the perception of a heartbreak, and yet we find ourselves obliged to rehearse memories, ideas or fantasies which make the feeling worse. But why must one experience such heartache and pain when the infatuation of love is so deep? That amazing feeling one get as the cliche, jittery butterfly feelings submerge deep inside your stomach and you start to feel warm and tingly all over. Prodigious is it not? However, with the intensity of fondness and adoration on your chest, comes the deep depth of vulnerability and pain. But if love so nice, why does it hurt so bad? Many question the mere concept of this theory, but are still confused about it and because of this, many are afraid to even fall in love. Many bear to live with a hearty sense of denial about the dichotomy of love, but heartbreak constantly reminds one of the heartache and pain that follows. Sometimes many of us are blinded by the sheer thought of love, so vague that we do not even realize that we are being held back from seeing our true self worth, and fortuity. Having your heart ripped out your chest by the bare hands of the one you so dearly love leaves you vulnerable on the inside. It is like you have been taken hostage by their love and you can not seem to escape the darkness that pain has brought upon you and you are then left just to be eaten alive. But it is “Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love” (Neil Gaiman).
How do young people deal with a heartbreak? How do they initially get over it? Have you ever wrote anything on social media after a breakup? These precise questions shaped the format of a small focus group of four males in 2014 at a large, public urban college of entering college students.
Dealing with a Heartbreak
The emotional toll a heartbreak can have on one is utterly ghastly. One immediately goes on this emotional roller coaster where they try to find every possible way to make the pain go away but it just would not shake. One individual initially felt the urge to “be alone for a couple of days” because he knew “it would be hard”. He proclaimed in that given situation he would then “try to distract himself from it” by deciding to “go out with friends, something fun” because “the more [he] thought about it the more it will hurt”. Jack, another individual who is currently in a six months relationship opened up by proclaiming; “if me and my girlfriend broke up I will find another girl” because if “they don’t want you, what’s the point”. It makes no sense to sit around and mope about someone because “if they don’t want you, they don’t want you”. “Right now we’re 18, it’s not like the person we find right now is the person we’re going to marry...there’s a small percentage chance of that happening”. We are all that the point in our lives where dating is just an experience and “right now is our chance to experience dating”. As he stated, “there’s a 100 girls outside right now”, hypothetically speaking. Whether if you sit in your room “eat some cheesecake, get some jennoberries and cry” it is all fine. For “Whatever you need to do to get over the person, or get past it...is all acceptable”. You begin to fear every time you see dark stormy clouds and hear the thunder, but then you “have to see at the end of the relationship if it made you a better person, if it was for the better”. A new day will come, “People change and as people change...how you see relationships change too” (Jay).
As you begin to question why. Why is this happening to you? Why does it hurt so bad? Why me Lord, why me? The build up anger and frustration just screams and shouts. “Don’t worry about this stuff” a 31 year old individual stated. As he is the oldest individual in the focus group, he shone a light on the situation as he been through it all. In his deep words of wisdom he declared, “At this age 18-20 years...don’t be ready to really decide who you want to be with because at this age you’ll be willing to change...at the same time, the person who you was with can also change”. It has to hurt for you to heal and you will heal, but always try to bare in mind “that if something happens it is all for the best”. Assess the experience you have learned and “maybe from 25 years then you can think about if you want something serious...maybe to start family”. Heartbreak is inescapable, but the abjection, solitude, and desperation will slowly fade away and you will gradually continue your livelihood without that person.
Consulting a Psychiatrist
Trying to cope with the chasm of a unrequited love and shattered dreams, you are tempted to express your turmoil and you write it on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc saying hurtful things about the other person because you wish they could feel the pain that you are feeling at the very moment. According to Jack, the act of consulting social media about a break up solely “depends on how it ended, if it was a bad breakup...yea” and also “depends on the relationship, how long you were in the relationship and how you were treated and how it ended”. But it is just the pain that is talking and you only realize that after the fact. You were in agony, drowned in your salty tears. The digital media becomes our psychiatrist in this given situation as our mind begins to excogitate and our fingers type words that reflect the physical suffering and the coldness running through our veins. But no matter what we do, how many rivers we cry, and how much we try to cover our hearts from hurt like a glove on a hand, the heartachenever seems to eradicate the love you felt for that person. As Jay stated, “If I’m in a relationship, I’m exciting that relationship still with love for the person”. Despite the excruciating pain, it seldom obliterates the true love held deep in our hollow hearts
Finding Hope, Letting Go
No one ever wants to experience the impeccable pain of a heartbreak and bare the sight of salty tears streaming down their cheek bone caused by a splinter in their heart. Letting go may not always be easy, and may leave one helplessly shattered. Broken to the point of mere insanity. Remember, there will come a point of time in our lives that we will be disappointed by love, and we will undeniably experience and endure the pain of life. Life is a journey, and a long road to travel. We should live without regret, and never stop. Never be bitter over life’s disappointments, let go of the past and move forward. The induration of pain caused by a heartbreak can be so deep that it may seem like it is the end of the world but it is really not. They are many ways to get over a heartbreak, and to cope with the bitter anguish. Many of which are divergent according to the individual and how that sorrowful relationship ended. Relationships are only experiences at an early age until we initially cross paths with the shared paths of reality and really experience the true concept of a relationship and know the true meaning of love. Most teenagers are in a inscrit stage of lust, longing to feel wanted and have someone to call their own. They are no sure guarantees when love will cross our paths again, for love have no boundaries. Keep hope that you will be able to feel the wonderful infatuation of love again. Let go of the past. Take time to find yourself and grow as a person. Do not go looking for love, let love find you. We all learn something from a heartbreak. Whether it make you or break you. A lesson was learnt. Holding on to the sheer memories that you and that person once shared as a reminder of the good old days is not a bad thing. It gives you an insight about why you love/loved that person to begin with. Many can forgive but may never forget. One mans loss is another mans’ treasure. We all have to close one chapter in our lives to begin a new one. Saying goodbye to one person opens the door to saying Hello to another.