DRAFT: This module has unpublished changes.

This is a piece I'd written for a theatre class years ago. Any time there is an indication of breathing, I wouldn't say the words "inhale, exhale" but breathe in and out.

 

The Man Outside

 

-An older woman in a housedress. Her hair bedraggled but not unkempt. Her face is thin and sallow, but her smile is exuberant when she does smile. She is very bony and her features are extreme, but not totally off-putting. As she speaks, she is gesturing wildly to an invisible audience, as if she was asked something and is now giving a performance of her answer. There are no actions; the actor should take action as they see fit.-

 

The banging is back.

I can hear it, I can hear it, but I won’t let him in, I won’t let him in, I can’t I can’t

Inhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinhaleeeeexhaaaaaalllleeeeeeinexinexinex

I want you to know I tried everything. At first I use to hide, I’d get away from the windows and the door and hide in the closet and cover my ears and try not to hear the banging

It didn’t work and then

I used to scream. I would scream GO AWAY and LEAVE ME and SCREAM and scream and scream and sc

It didn’t work and now

Now it chimes in time with my heartbeat

I want you to know how easy it was to cut everyone out, when I could feel it happening.

My friends began to leave, as they got the banging on their door. I was told I was told

My family went with the banging and the rest

And the rest and the rest

And I’d SCREAM and I’d scream

But then they all stopped coming

I won’t go out anymore because I know it’s where he is

I won’t leave because the banging is still there

And sometimes it’s earth-shattering and sometimes it’s soft

But he’s clever too, but I’m more so

I would hear crying babies, I would hear my mother

 (remember when you used to pray for it and it wouldn’t come)

inhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinnnnnhaaaaaallllleeeeee

I tore up the bible in my sitting room

The words were stained onto me I papered the walls with the remnants

and

I

laughed

because I felt the vicious burn of success because I would not succumb

And now I’m in my closet.

I’ve long lost the desire for this

But I’m scared, I’m scared

And it took me so long to grow comfortable with

The sound of my breath being the only sound

And around me I can hear shrieks of despair

Or jubilation

Or memories

(I heard my sister but I know she isn’t there)

she went with him early and I HATE him

It used to scare me more, I would hold my breath and I would keep

I would listen to hear his breath

It’s so cold, I’m so cold

How can I even begin to explain how it freezes me?

I used to sing I used to SCREAM but now I just

But this time this time

thistimethistimethistime

Right this minute I can hear

footsteps

big heavy thuds on the stairs

and I know and I KNOW and I know and my chest is rising up and down inhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinininin

(I didn’t think he would make noise, I thought he would float above the ground)

and I’m fighting god help me I’m fighting to get up, to run more

I am trying to move but I can’t cannotcannotcannotTHISWASNOTTHEDEAL

and it goes THUDTHUDTHUDTHUD THUD THUD                 THUD                    THUD                    TH

and then it stops

 

And I feel this warmth

 

(do you know how long I have been cold?)

 

And I feel

so

good

they didn’t tell me it would feel so good

and every past thought I have had leaves me

and I am not even sorry to see them go

This is the sunshine hitting my face, the heat warming my flesh

And I know I could stop myself but now I can’t understand, why would I want to?

And my hand is reaching towards the door, and I can feel my lips

stretching into a

smile

and I pull it open and I can see

I see

I see

I see

 

He’s beautiful.

And the way he smiles at me

And the way he smells, and the way he laughs, and his teeth are so perfect

And I cannot believe I was ever, ever afraid

And he holds out his hand and it’s perfect

And I stare and try to immortalize his perfect hand

And I feel embarrassed to put my hand in his perfect one,

And I can’t understand it but at the same time I can

deep down I can

and I’m going

to go

with

Him

and I can’t remember why I was afraid

and I can’t remember why I hid for so long

(and I can’t remember my name anymore)

and He is speaking to me again

my new everything

and I know that when I go with him

I will never feel

that ice again

and He pulls me close to me and He is my new everything

and then He

 

He

 

He

 

well, He brought me here.

 

And I don’t know where I am anymore.

 

But it doesn’t matter.

Because He is going to come back.

And when He does, I’ll see Him again.

And I know He won’t just leave me here.

I would leave myself but I want Him to be able to find me

And He will

Because He’s everything I’ve ever wanted and needed and seen and heard and loved

Everything is Him and He is it

And I’ll wait here and be good

Because He’ll come for me

And I won’t take another breath until He comes

DRAFT: This module has unpublished changes.