Dear Journal,

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength."

On Tuesday, I was asked by the FYS professor I'm working with to facilitate two workshops on how to create and present research posters at the showcase. I used the PowerPoint Kristen presented during the staff meeting we had the week prior to last. Additionally, I walked my students through the process of finding their template, as well as other resources, on the John Jay website. A signature technique of mine is to actually do role-plays. For example, when I'm studying for an exam, I'll assume the role of a professor and "teach" the material to family members. In this case, I digitally pulled up my showcase poster from last year, and I role-played as the student. My mentees' role was that of the viewers, or audience. They had to ask me questions - questions that they are expecting people to inevitably ask them when they're in the presenter position come December 8th.

I did catch some students with a nervous vibe regarding the whole showcase, so I quickly addressed their fears. Overall, my students seemed generally excited. It's also a plus that they are all really interested in the research topics finalized by the professor. I assured them I would also be at the showcase, ready to support them to the fullest...and ask them questions! There's no escape :)

~

Over the course of last week a few things, regarding three of my mentees, were brought to my attention. One of my mentees, of whom I've been extremely concerned about for the past month and a half, was finally reached by Nancy. I was heartbroken when the information uncovered was revealed to me. Fortunately, my student is now connected with people who can provide her with the support she needs.

Two other mentees of mine were contemplating dropping a course; one specifically wanted to drop the FYS course.

I decided to investigate a bit further in the case involving my student thinking about dropping his first year seminar. I effectively did so through open-ended questioning so as to avoid accusatory-sounding statements; however, a few close-ended questions were needed at certain points in the conversation. He disclosed to me that he works pretty late at night, and thus, doesn't find the time or energy to complete all of his assignments. I confirmed his status in the class with the professor, who verified he hadn't turned in a couple of assignments that are worth a sustainable portion of his overall grade in the class. Working closely with my student and the professor, we were able to establish a compromise in which he'd be allowed to submit all late assignments (but of course with a penalty). I'll be doing weekly check-ins with this student about twice a week in order to monitor how he's been keeping up with the remainder of the work for the semester in all of his classes.

In regards to my other student, she was thinking of dropping her biology course due to poor grades. Referring back to the drop deadline, how dropping may affect financial aid, and the CUNY "F" Policy, I was able to help better inform my student before she made any final decision.

~

This past week proved itself to once again be challenging...

The first hurdle. The election. As I searched up who won the election around 4am on Wednesday, I felt my heart start to race. "Don't let it be Trump," I repeated to myself over and over again. The pain I felt when I saw the result is indescribable. I couldn't even express how I was feelings to my family because talking politics with them or even near them is a call for a fight.

When Kenny announced on slack that SASP would be hosting a "be there for each other" session for its staff members, I was comforted. I knew I could count on my SASP family to always make it a priority to be there for each other, especially in times of heartbreak, confusion, and frustration. We were all in a safe place to discuss our thoughts and feelings, and it was a relief to be surrounded by others who truly understood the disappointment and fear.

~

Our SASP volleyball game, which took place on Thursday, was the perfect way to get everyone together. Team-building! (See gallery!)

~

The second hurdle. Hit me harder than the election ever could.

"In most cases of suicide, a person doesn't want to die. They just want the pain to stop."

A friend of mine revealed to me last weekend that she was a victim of domestic violence. Her boyfriend had hit her so badly that night she was unable to go to work. The police were called. An arrest was made. But his control over her lingered. She still loved him. She pleaded for the officers to let him out. Attempts failed, and he blamed her for ruining him. He hates her.

Pushed over the edge and feeling worthless...she attempted suicide a few days ago. The guilt I had was immense. It was suffocating me. I truly believed that if I were to have checked up on her earlier in the week, she wouldn't have felt so alone, so she wouldn't have tried to take her own life. I reached out to her again. Remembering the countless hours of training I've done in regard to working with victims of domestic violence and suicidal persons, I spoke softly and calmly. I didn't rush the idea of speaking to a trained counselor. I tried to be as understanding and comforting as possible. Eventually, after a few hours passed, I brought up the idea of counseling. She didn't respond anymore that night. Or the next day. I didn't tell anyone, except my mom and a few of my close friends at SASP.

Last night, I actually received a message from her. My heart dropped. I was in the car with my family driving back home from upstate, where my grandparents live. As I read the message, I couldn't hold in the tears that escaped my eyes. She told me she needs help, and she looked into counseling. My eyes brightened when I read she was going to start counseling this upcoming week. She also told me she wants to go to college (She is older than me, but decided to work straight out of high school). In that moment, though I knew she wasn't one-hundred percent back on her feet, I knew her feelings of worthlessness were slowly fading.

I'll be here to help her every step of the way.

I've learned something over these past few weeks, especially after what has recently impacted my life... "You don't know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have."

You don't know the true value of what you've learned (helping skills, for example) until you actually put them into practice. That's why I'm so thankful I have the opportunity to take counseling courses under Nancy...without the knowledge of what she's taught us, I don't know how I would've reacted to the major event that transpired this week that left me feeling wounded.

Until next time... support and love each other...

- Samantha